#10 Secrets

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
What a creepy and revealing website. And how refreshing and yet disturbing, apparently everyone is the SAME. Of course I have a couple of secrets I'd never tell, but they are more embarassing than they are deep, dark, insightful, or evil. I guess the one I held for the longest time was that my parents didn't know that I was pro-choice, neither did some of my friends. I never lied, you could go back and listen to my words and have NEVER heard me say or imply that I am not pro-choice. So I decided to write an op-ed, it got published, my dad read it, and I was outed. Now they don't discuss it with me, its just moot. They know they aren't changing their minds, and the know that if it took me 20+ years to reach my conclusions, my opinion is well-researched and I'm not changing it either.
Now that I think of it, I have very few other secrets. I'm pretty much an open book. Its not that I don't do weird, scary, or embarrassing things, I just tell people about them or don't hide them. My friends know I can be a bit of a stalker, not in a bad way but in a way that I like to know as much as I can. People know I post on some online forums and what I say there is mostly true, occasionally not but just stretching it a bit. I'd tell anyone my username if they wanted to read it. If you asked me about my personal habits, what I do when I'm alone, about my sex life, or whether I've ever cheated or stolen, I'd probably tell you. Why hide? Most people know that I am almost always confident except for when I like a boy or when one likes me. Then I am terribly indecisive and lose all my good sense and can't decide whether to call, write, or leave well enough alone. For that I'll ask advice from even my most inexperienced or good-judgement-challenged peers or friends. In the end, I almost always end up disappointed and that almost always devastates me for days and the devastation just gets deeper the older I get, and I think that could be a secret but probably it is not. People who know me can usually see right through me. Perhaps even people who don't know me can see right through me, I'm not sure.

#9. Another Day, Another Ate

Saturday night and I'm sitting in a clean apartment with clean hair and I'm trying to figure out if Will Ferrell is hosting SNL or if these lame sketches are repeats of past shows. I rarely watch the show and yet every time I turn it on, that stupid segment with the couple that are both named Nuni is on, the one with Maya Rudolph and her Andy Warhol-coiffed husband.
But I did not log in and start a new blog site to complain about SNL. I logged in to complain about how I have been cancelled on yet AGAIN. I'd call it "stood up" but they alway call and have very good reason why they have to cancel our date, our night out, whatever. This happened a lot recently with a man who I shouldn't name so I'll just call him "Harlie". Cancelled on me at least twice, and was just too hard to catch, he had all kinds of business trips, went to bed early, had to work out, etc. Hey, I can take a hint and if I'd have thought he wasn't at all into me, I'd have given up. But he kept calling and attempting to make plans when it finally became clear to me that that wasn't going to ever happen. Even if it did, I''m nearly positive I don't want to date someone that busy. It would have been a quicker decision if he wasn't so damned CUTE! This was one nice lookin' man, maybe too religious but we never got that far in conversation so all I can really say is that he was hot. Oh well.
Then there's the inconsistency of, hmm, I'll call him ay. Ay Ing. He's the MOST inconsistent. This is largely because he spends only approximately 40% of his time in the same city as me. That's OK, I mainly put up with him for inside scoops and free tickets. Now that he's seen Chateau Shenandoah, he's probably not calling again. He laughed at my TV. Not at my Focus, not at the dog hair on my couch, my TV. He said, so that's the big screen, huh? Yeah, buddy. Let's do the math here, genius. I make 1.8% of the salary you collect in one year. You make more in per diem pay than I get in my salary- and that's for max. 6 months of work!! Funny to mock the poor.
But the reason I'm alone watching crappy SNL is contestant #3 who cancelled on me. It's cumulative annoyance, not all "im's" fault, but it still sucks. He seems to like me, I'm pretty sure he's the one doing the pursuing and I'm not much into resisting- until maybe today. Again, cumulative but still highly annoying. It's not his fault others cancelled on me, but I actually let myself think it wouldn't happen again. Not this time, I naively thought, hence the vaccumed floors, clean hair, and effing Will Ferrell as Nuni's son at 11:30 on a Saturday night. Annoying. REALLY annoying.
I can do nearly everything alone, I don't need anyone else for much. The things that have occurred to me this week that I cannot do alone is to clasp the bracelet Michiyo made for me and to fold up my futon.
Needless to say, I had to vaccuum around the unfolded futon today. Oh, well, the dog likes to sleep in it when I am not here. If "im" gets another shot, he's going to have to deal with the dog hair on the couch and my own hair not so clean. And he's going to help me fold up that damned futon. Dating is really stupid. Mostly pointless as well, as far as I can see.
Mark Mulder got a no decision today, his first. Could have been his 6th consecutive win. At least we won, and man is he smokin'. ERA is a little higher, but still he's the man.

#8. I caught a ball

I got a foul ball!! I have NEVER had that chance, not until yesterday at the Cards-Padres game on Mother's Day. I always say I repel the fouls, in all my years of baseball games I've never had one come anywhere near my row. Sometimes they hit my section, but nowhere near wherEI'd have a chance to snag it. I owe Katie F a BIG PHAT THANK YOU for going to the bathroom in the 9th inning, because it was her seat tha the ball dropped into and she certainly would have given me a run for my money if she'd been there to try to catch it.

What a game, too. 11 runs and 16 batters in the first inning for the Cardinals. And I caught a ball. A Miguel Ojeda foul ball off Brad Thompson in his major league debut.

Finally.