#3. Combating V.D.

Yes, this is my job- combating V.D. Actually it's combating HIV -to clarify -which in 1970s' and 80s' terms is V.D. That V.D. term has evolved to STD and now to the very hip STI. (That's Sexually Transmitted Disease and Infection to you novices.)
So that is my job. That is what I do at work, try to help out people who are already HIV+ and to keep HIV- people negative. It can be a tough job, especially when the funding is cut almost constantly. But hey, there's always free condoms.
Valentines Day is a lot like VD. It sneaks up on you when you think you've successfully ignored it. It will go away but you have to be patient and wait it out. I guess a major difference is that little kids go crazy for Valentines Day but not so much for VD. I outgrew that excitement by turning 11 or 12. When you don't even get the day off, what kind of celebration is it really? Then in high school you have to watch all of the flowers and candy and other garbage delivered for half the school. That continues into college and then the office where, finally, one year I got flowers. It was just once and was the only occasion of flower delivery with my name on it that did not originate from my Aunt Terry. That was nice, that one time, but then I got mad at myself for being hypocritical about combating VD once and for all. Wait! No,I did get flowers this fall- flowers thanking me for sleeping outside for baseball tickets from my friends Maria and Lisa, who benefitted with tickets to two games. That was the best baseball series of my life, the Cards and Astros playing 7 of the best games I'll ever see. It was worth the sleeping out, they didn't have to send flowers. Still, again it was nice.


So if you can't ignore Valentine's Day any more than you can ignore VD, here are a few Valentines from me:

To Alberto Gonzalez, simply because you are not John Ashcroft. You still suck and your administration bites it daily, but you are not Ashcroft. And you do not sing in public so far. Thank you.

To Arthur Miller, you were a literary genius. Also, I thought you were already dead before last Thursday when you in fact died and I feel bad for that. Sorry.

To Barbara Boxer, you rock. See previous entries for reasons.

To Bill O'Reilly for questioning Bush and Co on that request for the $80 billion for Iraq. You, like AG, generally suck but your questioning W. on this lends more credibility to the opposition. Thanks, man. This is the only Valentine you'll ever get from me.

To Tina Fey, just because you are the funniest smart chick I can think of.

To Mark Mulder, welcome to the Lou. I hope you turn out to be the ace we feel we deserve here in Cardinal nation. Also, you are a sexy beast. Call me sometime. Big Ray has my number.

To Grandma Millie, happy birthday and we miss you. I take the Tina Fey compliment back, she's the SECOND funniest smart chick I can think of, you are #1.

To Foster, my live-in love. Thanks for the longest relationship of my life. You are the coolest and I'm sorry I've been so busy lately. I promise to let you run in the park today off the leash. Please stop licking your butt when I have company. It's gross.

To the boy that shall remain nameless because I don't know you nearly well enough to put you in my blog, please do not turn out to be a tool or spineless. Please. Please. The odds are stacked against you (this appears to be my type), but PLEASE! Fight the power. And call me today, I don't give a crap that it's VD. Calling today will help your cause, I will be much more inclined to think you might be crushworthy if you don't care that you call up some woman you've only just met on a fabricated day of significance.


And that's enough love from me. I guess I left some pets and family members out, but these were just the shout outs. You all will get your due on other days not designated for recognition by Hallmark and Walmart.